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There was a feeling of melancholy hanging over Iruka, even as Kakashi pressed against Iruka’s back, his arms wrapped tight around Iruka. He’d been trying to ignore it all night, like he always did, his own minor form of resistance against the demands on Kakashi’s time that took him away from the village. Not that he was against Kakashi leaving, not really. He knew how important Kakashi’s missions were. Iruka was a ninja after all, and he was steadfast in his loyalty to the village. But, that didn’t mean he had to like the amount of danger Kakashi’s mission put him in or the fact that there was a good chance that this mission, that every mission, could be Kakashi’s last.

Kakashi’s arms briefly tightened around him. “You’re thinking too loud.”

A small smile slipped across Iruka’s face. “Sorry.”

Lips pressed against Iruka’s shoulder. “I wish I could stay.”

Iruka’s smile widened slightly and he reached up to lace his fingers with Kakashi’s. “Me too.” He rubbed his thumb against Kakashi’s fingers. “How long this time?”

“A month. Maybe more. I don’t know. We’re tracking someone who doesn’t want found. It could take a while.”

Iruka nodded, wishing he could ask more but knowing he shouldn’t. Kakashi would tell him, if he asked. He shouldn’t, it was a breach of mission security, but if Iruka asked Kakashi would tell him anything he wanted. Some days, Iruka was tempted. He wanted to know how far away Kakashi would be, how much danger he faced, if there was any way Iruka could help. But he didn’t ask, because as much as they were both loyal to the village, they were also loyal to each other and Iruka knew that, given a choice between Iruka and the village, Kakashi would chose Iruka, any time.

He wasn’t sure he deserved that level of devotion.

Lips traced along his bare shoulder. “You’re thinking again,” Kakashi said, his tone making it a playful accusation. He shifted, pulling his arm out from under Iruka and rolling them until Iruka was on his back. “Save the thinking until after I’m gone.”

Iruka caressed the side of Kakashi’s face. He never got tired of looking at Kakashi’s face, at hidden features that only he got to see. Kakashi was smiling, a hint of mischievousness tingeing the grin as Kakashi’s hands trailed over Iruka’s hips. “I’m not going to be able to walk tomorrow,” Iruka warned.

“Walking is overrated.” Kakashi leaned down and kissed Iruka softly on the lips.

“I like walking. How else am I going to get to class?” He slid his arms loosely around Kakashi’s neck. His fingers played against the muscles in Kakashi’s neck and shoulders, lightly massaging the knots of tension he found there.

Kakashi kissed him a second time, deeper, pushing his tongue into Iruka’s mouth like he was trying to devour Iruka. The hands on Iruka’s sides shifted, trailing down to Iruka’s knees and lifting. Iruka let Kakashi maneuver their bodies into position. He was pliant under Kakashi’s hands, easily giving way to whatever Kakashi wanted. He trusted Kakashi, and while he wasn’t sure yet whether that trust was deep enough to match the level of devotion that Kakashi held for him, he knew that it could be and that frightened him.

Iruka watched as Kakashi pulled away to reach for the tube of lube lying next to the futon. His eyes followed Kakashi’s hand as he slicked his cock and then shifted forward. Iruka lifted his hips slightly, giving Kakashi’s hands room to slide under his ass and pull Iruka towards Kakashi.

“No thinking,” Kakashi said as he slid his slick cock into Iruka in one long push. Iruka moaned loudly. He was still slightly sore from their previous round, but not enough that he would even think of asking Kakashi to stop. In a way, he liked it when Kakashi was this hard on him right before he went away on a mission. The soreness, hickeys, and bruises Kakashi left behind were like pieces of him that Iruka could hold on to, just for a few days, while the pain of Kakashi leaving was still fresh in his mind.

“No thinking,” Kakashi repeated as he quickened his pace, shifting closer so that his thrusts pound inside of Iruka fast and hard. He was going to have bruises on his hips from Kakashi’s hands, and on his shoulder from where Kakashi had bit him during their last round. Iruka clenched his fists in the bed sheets and let his head fall back, for now not caring how loud he was being.

There was a brief pause in the heavy rhythm as Kakashi reached up and flipped aside the eye patch that covered the Sharingan while he was in Iruka’s apartment. Iruka felt his eyes draw briefly to the slowly swirling iris before a particularly hard thrust made him close his eyes and shout explicatives. There was something about being recorded that made Iruka feel everything just a little bit more. He blushed, feeling utterly self-conscious but he wouldn’t deny Kakashi the chance to take part of Iruka with him.

The Sharingan stayed trained on him as Iruka came, arching up into Kakashi’s thrusts and screaming his name. Kakashi’s thrusts slowed after that, becoming more erratic and then stopping as Kakashi sighed softly. Iruka wound his fingers in Kakashi’s hair and half-smiled, keeping his expression light. Unspoken words lay heavy in the air between them, words that Iruka wanted to say but never did, because if he asked, if he said “Don’t go” then Kakashi would listen, and Iruka wasn’t sure he wanted to take responsibility for that. Instead he smiled and kissed Kakashi softly and asked for the only other thing he wanted.

“Be safe.”

Kakashi squeezed Iruka’s hand. “I will.”

They both pretended it wasn’t a lie.

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